'Star Trek: Insurrection'

Star Trek:  Insurrection

(viewed Sunday & Monday, May 25th-26th)

• The events of Insurrection take place in the year 2375, only two years after the events of First Contact. 
  
  However, in that two years the entirety of the Dominion War was fought by the Federation and its allies (not counting pre-war tensions).  So a lot has changed for Starfleet in between the two films. 
  
  Boy, that would've been a great backdrop for a movie...
  
  Instead?  We got this one.
  
  
  
• It always amused me a little bit that while the Prime Directive forbade interference with pre-warp cultures, it didn't also forbid rather unscrupulous spying upon them.  I mean...if a species has attained sentience, do they not have the same right to privacy that every other sentient being seems to be afforded under Federation law?
  
  It's not like you're observing non-sentient animal life.  And sure, sentience is more of a grey area of "we know it when we see it" and you might err and spy on some moss that you thought wasn't sentient but was actually an ancient race of thinkers.
  
  But a people like the Ba'ku?  These are clearly sentient beings.  Spying on them from a "duck blind" in the name of studying them seems kind of...creepy.
• And if you're on some kind super-sketchy covert mission, why would you include the android with the hard-coded ethical programming?  Why not just get a regular person, whose ethics can be bent with bribes and whatnot?
• "Stop him!"
  
  Yeah, in addition to being almost unalterably ethical, Lt. Cmdr. Data is also faster, stronger and more skilled than any of your little minions.  Good luck with that.
• This is the first film where we see the dress uniforms that go with the new grey duty uniforms that debuted in First Contact.
  
  
  
  Whereas I rather like the duty uniforms (they're probably my second-favorite Trek uniforms, after the maroon movie-era ones), I think the dress uniforms make the officers all look like catering staff at a Trek-themed charity event.
• There are a few off-hand references to the Dominion War.
  
  • Cmdr. Riker mentions that the Federation Diplomatic Corps is "busy with Dominion negotiations", requiring the Enterprise-E to "put out another brush fire" (as Capt. Picard puts it).
  • Capt. Picard states that the Evora were made a Federation Protectorate so quickly despite their relatively recent development of warp drive because of the losses the Federation had suffered to the Borg and the Dominion.
  • Riker mentions that the Son'a produced ketracel-white for the Dominion (prompting a "WTF?!?" reaction from Counselor Troi).
  Still, it's paltry compared to what could've been done with a (relatively) big-budget Trek movie set after (or--gasp!--during) the most destructive conflict ever fought by the Federation.  
• "Worf!  What the hell are you doing here?"
  
  "Yeah, like I'm going to let you people make a movie with me."
• We could be knee-deep in Jem'Hadar blood at this point in the film.  Instead?  Picard gets a funny hat.
  
  
  
• The Briar Patch, wherein the Ba'ku planet is located, was also the site of a famous battle between the Klingons and the Romulans.
• "So, we're not letting that admiral dude telling us not to go...stop us from going, right?"
  
  "No, yeah.  Totally not."
• "How do you guys think we can best make the Son'a seem sinister?  Pointy-looking ships?  Questionable ethics?  Bad plastic surgery?"
  
  "All of the above?"
  
  "Yeah, that works."
• The "mission scoutship" that Data uses to attack the Son'a flagship is hardly larger than a shuttlecraft, but packs a decent punch for its size--it is armed with both phasers and (presumably micro-) photon torpedoes.
  
  
  
• That crazy Lt. Worf, always late for duty.
• "Straighten your baldric, commander!"
• The shiny new Sovereign-class starship came with some shiny new Type 11 shuttlecraft.  The Type 11 looks a lot like the Type 9 (seen extensively on VOY), but slightly elongated and with a roomier interior.
• TACHYONS!
• "Sing Worf, sing!"
  
  
  
• Let's face it.  This whole scene is just an excuse to let Stewart and Spiner sing.  I'm not sure how they talked Dorn into it.
• Tom Morello, a not-so-closeted Trekkie, makes a brief appearance in this movie as an uncredited Son'a officer.  He appears again as a member of the crew on VOY.
• "My people have a strict policy of non-interference in other cultures.  It's our Prime Directive."
  
  "Your directive apparently doesn't include spying on other cultures."
  
  RIGHT?!?  That's what I'm saying.  I forgot they had Anij voice that particular objection.  Score one (and only one) for the writers.
• "Our technological abilities are not apparent because we have chosen not to employ them in our daily lives. We believe that when you create a machine to do the work of a man, you take something away from the man."
  
  Oh, great.  Space Amish.
• For a ship with less internal volume than its predecessor, the Enterprise-E has a huuuuuuuuge engineering section.
• I could have gone my entire life without the Riker/Troi bath-and-shave orgy.  Yuck.
• Data's Underwater Adventure and the subsequent "floatation device" scene are among the dumbest things ever recorded in Trek history.
• I'm not sure why they felt the need to construct an entire holoship.  They could've simply beamed the Ba'ku onboard a standard starship's holodeck while they were sleeping, and transported them to a new world--just like the crew of the Enterprise-D did (under duress) in the episode "Homeward".
• The list of symptoms that the crew exhibits as they're exposed to the metaphasic radiation from the Ba'ku homeworld is pretty much a non-stop convoy of stupid.
• Geordi's eyes start to grow back.
• Riker and Troi get horny for each other.
• Worf gets a Gorch.
• Riker shaves and then makes a butt joke.  A butt joke, in Star Trek. 
• Picard dances the mambo.
• Troi and Crusher's breasts get perky.  A boob joke, in Star Trek.
I mean, listen...I'm not saying there shouldn't be humor.  All of the best Trek movies have humor in them.  Some of them have a lot of humor.  But super-juvenile humor?  Meh.  It has its place (I'm not above laughing at a good fart joke), but Trek isn't that place.

• I've never been so angry that my forehead split open...but I've been close.
• "You will return my men, or this alliance will end with the destruction of your ship."
  
  This movie is a steaming pile, and the Son'a themselves are pretty underwhelming as an adversary...but F. Murray Abraham does his best as Ru'afo.
• Admiral Doughterty says that "Warp drive transformed a bunch of Romulan thugs into an empire", which fuels fan speculation about exactly when, where and how the Romulan Star Empire obtained warp capabilities (and other technologies).
  
  I won't go into the topic at length for the sake of one throw-away line in one of the lesser Trek movies, but as always Ex Astris Scientia can scratch that itch, if you have it.
• The Enterprise-E's captain's yacht is called the Cousteau.  And apparently it can hold "seven metric tons of ultritium explosives".
  
  
  
• "Saddle up...lock and load."
  
  :rolleyes:
• For all of its other flaws, this is the only Trek movie where the director could tell an actor "Hey, and go get that phaser rifle off of that llama."
• "Definitely feeling aggressive tendencies, sir!"
  
  :rolleyes:
• Apparently subspace weapons were banned as part of the Khitomer Accords.  I hope someone told the Klingons.
• I think this movie and pretty much every other episode of VOY are the only times the warp core ejection system has actually worked.  I'm not counting 2009's Star Trek, because I refuse to accept that they had like...50 damned warp cores to eject.
• Geordi comments afterward that they are "fresh out of warp cores".  Apparently the Sovereign class, unlike its smaller Intrepid-class sister, does not have a secondary warp assembly.
• There's a joke in here about the "Riker Maneuver" involving hot gas and playing with your joystick, but I don't have the energy to make it.
• Careful, Worf's got a bazooka.
• While I'm being all turbo-nerd about Trek weaponry, there is a subtle change in the size and shape of the main "Type 2" hand phaser in between the latter seasons of TNG and the TNG-era films (they actually first appeared in First Contact along with many other aesthetic changes, but I'm just now noticing them now).
  
  
  
  (images from Star Trek Fact Files, courtesy of Ex Astris Scientia)
  
  As you can see, the overall shape is very similar.  But the front of the unit is slightly smaller and with smoother edges, and the handle is curved instead of being straight.  We'll see this same design on DS9.  Curiously, the redesigned hand phaser (along with other devices that received slight updates, like the tricorder) will be seen in service aboard USS Voyager, even though the uniforms won't be updated to the new grey-top jumpsuits.
• Got people trapped underneath/behind a bunch of rock?  Good thing you brought your android!
• Oh, good.  We're going to get to revisit that "perfect moment" clap-trap.  I was really worried that we wouldn't get back to that.
• The Son'a and the Ba'ku are the same race?  I NEVER SAW THAT COMING.
• Goodbye, Admiral Douchebag Dougherty.
• Also, I demand to know who approved this special effects shot.  I mean...even a bad Trek movie should have awesome special effects.  Do you know what happens when you have Trek movie with crappy special effects?  Star Trek V, that's what happens.  And this movie, apparently.
  
  
  
• "...trying not to see what bitterness has done to the Son'a.  How it's turned Ru'afo into a madman, and you--turned you into a coward.  A man who denies his own conscience."
  
  "Get in."
  
  "A coward without the moral courage to prevent an atrocity.  You offend me."
  
  "Is this how a Federation officer pleads for his life?"
  
  "I'm not pleading for my life.  I'm pleading for yours."
  
  There's at least one good bit of dialog in this steamer.
• I like how the bridge on the bridge on the Son'a flagship has a couch instead of a captain's chair.  That's a nice touch.
• "Set a collision course."
  
  It's a little early in the fight for that, don't you think?
• "He wouldn't!"
  
  "Yes, he would."
  
  Okay, that's a little funny :)
• The Enterprise-E sweeping along the ventral side of the rapidly-exploding collector ship and beaming Picard out is a fairly exciting sequence.  I'll give 'em that one.
• "Captain, the Son'a crew would like to negotiate a cease-fire.  It may have something to do with the fact that we have three minutes of air left."
• "Your feelings about her have not changed since the day I met you, Commander.  This place just...let them out for a little fresh air."
  
  So...I guess Worf is over his little fling with Troi, then?
• "Data, don't forget.  You have to have a little fun, every day."
  
  "...so definitely don't buy the farm in the next movie or anything."